i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
ttyl tear gas
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
