no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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