Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
