Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
