Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
