There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
