yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
