I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
