i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
