I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
