We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
