The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
