The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
