I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
