ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize