Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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