Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
