If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize