You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
