Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
