I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
