You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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