yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
