when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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