no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
