You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
