I want to make a zoo with you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize