i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
