the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
