oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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