So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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