After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
