And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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