made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
