So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
