So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
