we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
