My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize