She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
