Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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