Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
