Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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