The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
