Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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