So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
