He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
