So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he thought i was a dude.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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