the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
