her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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