If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize