Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
