Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
