my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
