you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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