Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
