Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize