Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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