I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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