who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
