I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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