epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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