it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think my vagina is haunted
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
