I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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