kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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