somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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