if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
