my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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