She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
