someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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