It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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