Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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