i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
